Chrysalis

After months of contemplating , moments of doubts and almost giving up on the idea, I have finally decided to give myself a year of TIME OUT .

15 years of pushing myself , setting and chasing materialistic goals wasn’t making sense. When others applauded , I was holding back tears …when they said how proud they were of me , I felt no pride instead, I  was full of regrets , when I was told I was lucky to have bought my own place at 22 in a city like Mumbai , all I wanted to do was scream and wished someone would tell me to slow down.

I felt a deep sense of satisfaction the day I walked out of the corporate office , never to look back again . Except  R , everyone said I would regret it . I didn’t . Deciding to teach wasn’t something that went down well with many . I remember  R , mama and Chetna ( I miss you sweety) being there for me , when every one else had a nasty thing or two to say.

My health had failed miserably by then . Two surgeries ,  medical test after test and so many opinions …everyone thought I must quit the course , but God had other plans and He saw me through.

R was confident I would silence my detractors . I didn’t believe in myself but surprisingly , everyone around began to see in me what I was too tired to notice. When the letter from university arrived home , bringing me news that I was the gold medallist , I remember calling the Principal of my college and she and I wept . Neither of us needed to speak . A university scholarship and a job to lecture in the same college worked like magic. Those that called me crazy , now had a change of heart. My dad apologized and it was all beginning to fit in perfectly together.

Life has its surprises in store and not all are pleasant . I have been struggling with  health related issues for 15 years and it has been challenging . I have felt hopeless and wasted at times and on the verge of giving up . When it rains, it pours ! I understood what that really means in 2014 . Shaken, lost and hurt ,  I turned to blogging .

I met some wonderful people , read some inspiring stories and put a part of me out there . I began to read again , sing again , write again and I began to ask myself what I was really missing….I was missing ME.

So , starting today I am on a journey … a journey where I won’t be chasing my next pay cheque but chasing my silly dreams , where luxuries won’t matter  but the little joys of life will . I am scared and excited , uncertain about how it will end but certain about one thing –  I won’t regret this .

To my best friend , thank you for always being there and I want you to know I admire your strength.

To a distant cuz  , thank you for helping me find a part of me I thought I had lost.

— that mishmash

 

 

 

Advertisements

35 thoughts on “Chrysalis

  1. It’s good to know a bit about you this way. I’m sorry to hear about the health issues because I guess that is one area that we take for granted while chasing other goals.
    I’ve been blessed with many things and a variety of careers which have been both rewarding and challenging. I’ve been on time out for three months now and re-orientating myself for new pursuits. I think it is so important to take stock of your journey every now and then and reset your compass. I wish you well in your resetting and may the universe support you in your journey. Best wishes my friend. Chevvy.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Chevvy ,
      Let me begin by saying that you are one of those wonderful people I have met in this world of blogging and am glad. It is difficult to encapsulate years of pain and pleasure , experiences and lessons learnt in one post , but I had to tell a part of story today . I have no friends , truth be told and I am quite a loner , contrary to what people believe . This blogging journey has made me get in touch with facets of myself that I was oblivious to . I had to take this time out now to know myself better , to love myself more and to look after my health .
      Thank you for your kind words , for sharing about your own journey , for your posts too . They spoke to me . Much love .

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Thank you for your kind words and opening yourself up for the warmth I have felt coming from you. Rest assured that I benefit to from our communication. Are you taking a break from the blog too?

        Liked by 1 person

    2. Thank you Chevvy . I am not sure about the blog right now. I may take a break if I need to . It may be days of silence when am travelling or prolific blogging when I have nothing else to do ( Lol ) . I hope to be active though . 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Thehungryballer

    Best wishes friend ! And I know you won’t regret this journey 🙂 We are all here for you, hoping you do get a hold on your ‘silly’ (read : not) dreams …

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Ishu , you are on of those wonderful people I have met on the way too. So thank you . Your comments have been so encouraging and have always made me smile . Thank you for being there and I hope we can travel some more together on this blogging journey .😀

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Lol.
      Ishu , if I knew then what I know now , I wouldn’t have so many regrets . The house is a blessing , but I lost sight of other blessings that I was slowly sacrificing . Now at 31 , I feel like my body has aged to 51 !!! Haha . Thank God the greys aren’t showing yet .

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thehungryballer

        Don’t worry….and don’t regret…at least you realized what you’re missing at 31 ! Most of them realize when they’re actually old (past any possibilities of restarting) ….plus, if the greys start showing (we always have ‘Godrej Kesh Kaala’ ) hahaha !

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Nee , you have been with me through this blogging journey way before that mishmash was born . Your constant support , heartening words and generous doses of smileys have been like fireflies decorating my darkest nights . 😊😊😊😊😊
      Am glad you understand now some of which may have been left unexplained in my earlier posts. Thank you for all your love and concern . You will always remain my sherlock ..haha

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Freda, you always have a kind word that nourishes the soul , along with your fab dishes that nourish my apetite! Thank you for being part of my journey and I hope we go a long way from here . Thank you for your wishes 😀. Much love.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s