After months of contemplating , moments of doubts and almost giving up on the idea, I have finally decided to give myself a year of TIME OUT .
15 years of pushing myself , setting and chasing materialistic goals wasn’t making sense. When others applauded , I was holding back tears …when they said how proud they were of me , I felt no pride instead, I was full of regrets , when I was told I was lucky to have bought my own place at 22 in a city like Mumbai , all I wanted to do was scream and wished someone would tell me to slow down.
I felt a deep sense of satisfaction the day I walked out of the corporate office , never to look back again . Except R , everyone said I would regret it . I didn’t . Deciding to teach wasn’t something that went down well with many . I remember R , mama and Chetna ( I miss you sweety) being there for me , when every one else had a nasty thing or two to say.
My health had failed miserably by then . Two surgeries , medical test after test and so many opinions …everyone thought I must quit the course , but God had other plans and He saw me through.
R was confident I would silence my detractors . I didn’t believe in myself but surprisingly , everyone around began to see in me what I was too tired to notice. When the letter from university arrived home , bringing me news that I was the gold medallist , I remember calling the Principal of my college and she and I wept . Neither of us needed to speak . A university scholarship and a job to lecture in the same college worked like magic. Those that called me crazy , now had a change of heart. My dad apologized and it was all beginning to fit in perfectly together.
Life has its surprises in store and not all are pleasant . I have been struggling with health related issues for 15 years and it has been challenging . I have felt hopeless and wasted at times and on the verge of giving up . When it rains, it pours ! I understood what that really means in 2014 . Shaken, lost and hurt , I turned to blogging .
I met some wonderful people , read some inspiring stories and put a part of me out there . I began to read again , sing again , write again and I began to ask myself what I was really missing….I was missing ME.
So , starting today I am on a journey … a journey where I won’t be chasing my next pay cheque but chasing my silly dreams , where luxuries won’t matter but the little joys of life will . I am scared and excited , uncertain about how it will end but certain about one thing – I won’t regret this .
To my best friend , thank you for always being there and I want you to know I admire your strength.
To a distant cuz , thank you for helping me find a part of me I thought I had lost.
— that mishmash